For years I have drifted between hobby to hobby, never quite able to find the one thing that would hold my interest for longer than a few months at a time. Everything from Tae Kwan Do to Train Horns Unlimited, I’ve done and tried everything it seems. It makes me wonder if there might be something wrong with me that I can’t focus on a hobby. I know that I definitely do have issues with attention – even when I was in school, finding myself unable to sit still in my desk long enough to read or do the task given at hand.
So even when I was given Adderall in the hopes that it would do something, anything, to help me focus more. In the end all it did was allow me to stream data and information more fluidly but I still had issues focusing. Don’t get me wrong, Adderall is pretty much the best thing that has ever happened to me. It without a doubt does allow focusing to come better at hand but it’s what I find myself focusing on which is the problem. It’s just so easy to become distracted and focus on something else entirely.
I wish I did have a hobby that allowed me to focus on it so much more completely. I can’t even begin to describe what it feels like to not have something to focus my attention on. It’s like I’m adrift in some sea of thought, lost more in my feelings and my thoughts. This is how I end up over analyzing myself and situations at hand – maybe I could learn instead to write them down instead of just allowing them to aimlessly drift in the realm of thought itself. Perhaps something could come out of writing them down?